well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
