So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize