Don't make out with my wife yet
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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