my sisters under your porch take her home
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This baby is an asshole
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize