im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
