Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
