thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
