i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize