i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
