i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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