What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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