she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
