a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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