so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
