im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
