he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
