My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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