yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
