You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
