Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
