i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize