I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize