Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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