sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
