i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
