I'm eating all of the evidence.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Randomize
