I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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