Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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