Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I could fuck to npr.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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