So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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