I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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