I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
