I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize