You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
