that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
