What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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