Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
