You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
they need to just BURY HIM!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize