Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
