I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You are a genius and a whore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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