he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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