Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
