Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
