I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
