If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
