i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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