dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize