she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize