Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
