He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
