it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
