I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it hurts more in the daytime
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
