Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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