No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
