ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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