you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
