i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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