I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
