YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
