you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
