I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
