I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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