You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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