even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
