The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we're making bets on your personal life
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This baby is an asshole
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
