Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
