I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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