I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
