I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
