update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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