i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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