Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize