P.S. I can't hear my feet
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
