we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
