It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
