you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
