the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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