You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry about my life...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
