Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
