dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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