I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
