You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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