i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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