i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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