She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
