what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
