I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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