Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
