We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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