WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize