We're facebook friends in real life
home. puking in laundry basket.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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