I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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