the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
