Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
