You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and she was petting her beer can
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
