There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
