I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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