Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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