So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
