Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize